thankfulness - in everything

Last night I spilled my latte. I was not, NOT happy. In fact, I confess to spilling a few tears after I heard the last of the latte gurgle into the van's dark depths.

To understand this fully you must understand the way my mind works. As you likely can't forget since I talk about it all the time, my kids have allergies galore -the oldest two to dairy, Miss C especially. We have gotten her some treatments that have decreased the severity of her reactions. However. You have to realize the ingrained, gut reaction to any type of cow-by-product spilling or smearing or melting or dripping or cross-contaminating makes my heart pound and my whole being kick into gear - "How can I best clean this up???"

No, my house is far from tidy. Not that kind of cleaning. Just in case you thought I was a clean-a-holic, 'cause I'm SO not.

Since my husband has had a solid week of late nights and will again be working Sunday through Friday super late next week (deadlines upon deadlines that I am actually very thankful for), I decided that to ease my single-parent bedtime routine a little, I'd get everyone ready except for brushing their teeth and take them out for hot chocolate - except Baby J, who I planned to have fall asleep on the drive. He cooperated until we got home.

My son gleefully chugged his entire kid-sized-soy-hot-chocolate before we were hardly out of the parking lot. My daughter has the rest of hers in the fridge to be heated again tomorrow. Go figure. Me...well, I went for a Tall decaf latte. I likenoLOVE plain lattes. With dairy milk. (Soy lattes are gross. I tried. Once.) And I so rarely get them that I was all in a dither over it. But, the hole in the lid was too small to let in air so I could barely get any drink to my mouth. I had decided to wait and make the hole bigger at home. But along the way, I heard the cup call my name and opted for one more effort at a sip - at which time the lid must have popped off because it never made it to my mouth. Rather I heard my van take a deep drink of my latte in the dark of night when I could not see to rescue it.

I pulled over into an empty turn lane but by then the cup had about two drops left. I thought at that moment that I was SO NOT THANKFUL even though it was probably God's way of telling me I wasn't really supposed to order it, that I was just being a glutton. And my heart was racing because I'd just spilled a dairy beverage all over (the mess that is) the front of my van. Technically, it landed in a canvas bag of stuff that was hung between the seatbelts...and all over a slew of papers...and soaked into the carpet. I really didn't feel thankful, except maybe for the roll of toilet paper (I had it in there for our extended colds - better than Kleenex any day!) because it seemed to soak up a good bit of dairy-infested latte.

And that is where my thankfulness began.

"In everything give thanks..." (I Thessolonians 5:18a)

I had to think on it a bit. But I did find things to be thankful for in my lost latte. I was thankful for only ordering the Tall. My preferred Grande would have cost more, spilled way more and caused more dairy-stress. I was also thankful that Baby J didn't wake up until I came IN the house from cleaning up (he was standing at the front door watching me). And, as I cleaned I came across the "foot" to the baby swing I just gave someone; I felt bad giving it to her when I realized that was missing! Besides, a little prompting to clean out the van is always something to be thankful for, right?!

Mostly, I'm thankful that in spite of my spilled latte, it was a pleasant outing with my kids. And, I had an opportunity to say, "Thank you Lord for the spilled latte..."

thankfulness - homeschooling

As I've mentioned before, we decided to homeschool Little B at the end of second grade. I had never, ever considered it before because I was sure I could not handle it. But by this time I could no longer handle sending him to school each day, only to see him come home in a deep funk full of frustration and anger. Here is a bit of what led up to such a big decision for us:

My son is very sensitive and fairly "high needs." He's also incredibly intelligent. He struggles with the atmosphere a classroom provides and that resulted in a whole lot of difficult days. The first day after spring break probably was pretty typical for him. Most likely, by the time he was asked to do his least favorite assignment ever - log about a book he'd read - he had been picked on and bullied; survived lunch with the intense loudness that accompanies any typical lunchroom, but is especially overwhelming to him; no doubt been reminded to stay on task several times; and was feeling as though he was worthless and couldn't do anything right. His teacher was known to bend over backwards to help him, so she was never the source of his problems, though he didn't understand that at the time.

That is only a tiny taste of what led up to the point in his day when he once again fell apart. I know this sound ridiculous to some, like a lack of discipline to others. But for him, the world truly came crashing down at that moment. That assignment pushed him over the edge and he could no longer handle much of anything after the stressors he'd worked around and tried to cope with all day. Simply put, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

And so on this day of all days, Little B was yelling at his teacher that he had an escape plan if she wouldn't listen. Now, she did listen - every single day - but logging wasn't something she could waive just for him. I understand that. In Little B's mind, though, he just couldn't handle another day of forced writing about something that was already written down in the book (he thinks that if you want to know, you should read the book...I understand that, too). And he escaped by trying to run away from school.

Why? Because all he wanted was to go home to his bed, away from the source of his stress, and calm down. That spoke so loudly to me. And during the week of suspension that ensued, I enforced the discipline they chose, but at the same time we began talking about homeschooling. The following Monday he was allowed to go back to school, but we withdrew him instead. And I have never looked back.

I am thankful for a thousand things in this. I'm thankful his class had a door to the outside that tempted him because it made me stop and listen really carefully to how I could meet his needs.

I'm thankful I no longer feel building anxiety as I check my email 5-10 times a day wondering if his teacher has emailed me to let me know of his latest struggle in class (she did that at my request).

I'm thankful that though I must toe the line with him particularly on hard days, a hard day homeschooling (and we have them in spades, believe me) simply doesn't compare to even an average day in public school. In fact, on the hardest days of all, I am more deeply thankful that he is at home with me versus sitting embarrassed and angry at himself in front of 17 other kids and other grown ups.

I'm thankful for:

the increase in flexibility,

the decrease in stress,

the increase in time with my son,

the decrease in time spent on school assignments,

the increase in enjoyment of learning.

thankfulness - my husband

I have the most amazing husband.
My thankfulness for him is deep and wide and overflowing.
My words to express them are not even close to adequate.

When he married me, I had health problems that were yet to be discovered - but before our first wedding anniversary, I'd had surgery and been put on medications that caused drug-induced menopause for 6 months or more. Oh, my friends...no woman should go through such a thing twice, and certainly not at 22 years old! And no man should have to live through that twice -certainly not at 22 years old!! What a time that was. He was a college student and working full time, I was working and going through hormone changes that you cannot begin to fathom yet. At the end of those months, we laughingly said we'd survive anything if we made it through menopause in the first year of marriage.

We've learned together to choose the right perspective on so many issues over the years. We have not had an easy life by any standard. Half our marriage so far, he was working on his degree. We started having kids before he graduated. Food allergies dominate meal times. Special needs of varying degrees sprinkle through the house, some bigger than others. Issues I won't even go into dominate our lives right now. But, you know what? They eventually fall into place and we just move on, figuring it out, working through it, and being glad we're together during it all.

I would not trade this man or the life we have together for anyone in the world. He lights up my days. I am happier when he comes home. I want to grow old with him. He's the best kisser on earth. He makes me laugh. He laughs with me. I am completely myself with him. He works so hard to care for all of us. He even does the dishes for me when I get too far behind (without griping, too).

And he wanted to marry ME! I don't understand that...but I sure won't challenge him on it, either. I'm SO thankful for my husband.

thankfulness

I've been seeing a lot of "thankful" postings on facebook this week. Several people are doing a thankful post every day until Thanksgiving, which I think is great. But, I'm going to do a thankful blog every day until Thanksgiving. My heart is full to overflowing in so many ways, even on the hardest days of all. So, I can't imagine that this will be a difficult task in the least. Indeed, it makes me sad that someone could even think they'd run out of things to be thankful for.

I had a little mental list of the order in which I wanted to state my thankfulness, but in truth I should share my heart each day, not have a hierarchy of thanks.

So, since today is Veteran's Day, I will start by saying I'm thankful for those who have served in our military and fought for our freedom. It is far from an easy job and no doubt few receive the credit truly due them for their service. I am surrounded by those who serve our country and often don't give enough consideration to what they do for me. I live this life the way I do because of them. There is much to be thankful for in that simple fact.

Today, I have planned a small lesson for Little B about Veteran's Day. He just sat down as I typed this and noticed some of the papers at his counter-top "desk" and began talking about Veteran's Day - he told me that today is for celebrating and honoring the people who used to and do work in the military. The music teacher at his school the past few years was a veteran and each year he spent his class time on Veteran's Day talking about his service. I'm so glad he did - it clearly instilled a respect in my son for our military.

I know I am surrounded by people in my life who serve or have served our country - I am honored to know them and thankful for them to the core of my being. They protect our freedom for so many things, not the least of these is the freedom to openly love and worship my Lord.

pink at 11am

Friday is library day in our little homeschool world. Unless the van battery dies or someone is really sick, we take our regular trek sometime between open and close....I'm consistent like that.

This morning we managed to leave around 11am. I am torn as to whether I like story time or not since
1. only Miss C is the right age and
2. while Little B is content now to sit and read his own books for however long we're there (I took him ONCE as a preschooler...and only once), Baby J is a whole 'nother story these days; plus
3. story time is Fridays at 11:30am at our branch (also known as lunchtime and Baby J's naptime if you get my meaning).
I got in the van convincing myself I could get in and out before it started.

As it turned out, I was distracted and we stayed for story time. It went pretty well and there was even a craft for Miss C to do. Baby J only wailed during the craft part since he was tired of playing with my cell phone. Not bad.

But, I digress.
This is about why I was distracted.
And what time we were leaving. 11am.

As we drove through our small town's Main Street, there were ladies (and even men) wearing bright pink shirts, holding pink pom poms and carrying large signs ("Thank you for walking!") on the sidewalk, cheering loudly as others walked past. The crowds thickened a bit as I got closer the square, and once there, it was full of pink-clad people taking a break - you no doubt know of what I speak.

While breast cancer has never been the cause of death for someone I love, it has certainly touched my life more than once. And on this cloudy day it touched my life once more as tears clogged my throat and filled my eyes. My children wanted to know what the cheering was, why everyone was in pink, what is was all about. I could only say I'd explain in a minute. I had to say that several times since nothing else would come out of my mouth. Instead tears leaked down my face.

I was surprised by how deeply this was affecting me. It made me so proud to be among them, even for a moment. It gave me loving thoughts of the women I've known who have battled breast cancer. And it kept me from explaining to my kids until after we'd arrived at the library. But, explain it I did, slowly and choked up, and loved the compassion on my 8 year old son's face. (I took the time to suggest he not discuss it publicly, because of his age and the personal nature of the cancer.)

As we returned home, the square was drab and lonely, one pink-shirted lady on a bench with a friend, port-a-potties empty and stands being put into trucks. My kids had hoped for another chance to see the crowd and so had I. And I'm really glad I headed to the library at 11am this morning. It was definitely the right time today.

(For those of you who love to read like I do, there is a fabulous fiction novel about a woman with breast cancer - Reconstructing Natalie by Laura Jensen Walker.)

moving forward

More than a year ago, I posted about my heart crossing a line.

We have not moved yet, but our hearts are still open, ready and willing. Just waiting on His timing.

Once we were ready to list our house, He changed it up on us. Suddenly, John was pulled back into the main office with no return to the remote location in the foreseeable future. He is still in the main office and we drive over an hour every few weeks to attend the Lord's Day meeting we are led to be a part of. It makes for long, long days. Our desire to be closer grows each month.

My heart is so completely toward "College Town" that it beats a little faster when we drive into that area. My love for my current house is so diminished that I find it is simply a place to reside with a tree that I adore in the back yard and a few nice features for creature comfort. My street feels cold as the neighbors have always been too busy with their own lives to get to know us - despite our many efforts. I am now homeschooling, so our initial draw to this area is no longer an issue - it was their amazing school system! God has surely been lining things up and making changes and working in our hearts for a period of time.

And now we're moving forward. We have listed our home for sale, about two months ago. It's for practical purposes - but God surely uses the practical to work out His purpose! Our peace before Him is to move partway between work and church so as to be simple and practical. We'll rent so that if there is opportunity to move again it will be an easier task.

I am eager for the adventure lying ahead, working to be patient in the wait that is now. But, at the same time, I have plenty to keep me busy in the meantime!

whhhoooooooo * ** ***

cough, cough, choke, cough

Yeah, that's me blowing the dust off my humble little blog. Poor penny...long neglected.

Missed you, whoever is out there still....do I hear an echo? Oh well. No more readers, probably. I'm not even positive if I'll find time to truly revive her. But, I've decided spontaneously to give it a try. Bear with me, push me along, and help me get better, 'kay? Thanks for that vote of confidence!

We're in the midst of our first homeschool year. It is so, so much better than school ever was for Little B. He is thriving, reading like a little professor, soaking up anything he can learn, and loving (almost) every minute. Our hard moments are fewer and futher between. A beautiful thing! His struggles are so much easier to keep in hand and work with. He is halfway through the math curriculum already - so I gave him 2 weeks off; we'll pick it up again on Monday. I have used that time to dig deeper into his Lego Education unit...oh, the joy. School with Legos. It truly doesn't get any better than that. This past week he's written a story about some Secret Agent Lego adventures that he's now revising (those would be the play Lego sets, not the school ones).

Miss C...Oh, Miss C is beginning to thrive in new ways. This summer we began some holistic treatments for her food allergies (NAET). She had reached the ripe number of 12 foods she reacted to, so we were way past time to test the waters here. At the moment, she does not eat the peanuts or milk intentionally (and we plan to wait until she's an adult for that), BUT when she ate them entirely by accident (both were in the same food - leave it at a very hectic week where I blundered in a purchase big time), she never reacted at all! This is my epi-pen girl I stay terrified of rushing to the ER. She is also now able to eat carrots, and we're waiting to hear about honeydew, canteloupe and watermelon. The neatest part is that as we are strengthening her immune system in these treatments, she is beginning to have way more energy, be more bold and outgoing, and blossom like a radiant flower. It's lovely to behold!

Then there is Baby J...going on 2 in a few months, which takes my breath away. So not ready for that. He's added a hefty list of allergies to his little self as well, and we can't afford to treat them yet (my hubby has developed a few of his own...the life we live is...interseting...), but after a year of agony, I have finally got this boy sleeping through the night - by taking out those foods that the allergist said were "too low (on the bloodwork) to really call allergies". Boy howdy, the difference in our lives when the boy sleeps is amazing! I had not slept 6 hours straight in a very, very long time.

Of course, HIS allergies are not at all the same at Miss C's, but my husband and Little B both have some of the same ones that he has...so if you want to know where I've been, I've been trying to figure out what these people I claim as family CAN eat. Dinner anyone?

A new endeavor I have is a book on allergies and what to do when they happen in your family...interesting, large project for a mom with 3 kids and not enough time. But, it's what I know and I do know most of it quite well! And none of the books I have come across really lay it out simply and chase away all the confusion. That is my goal.

Off to chase a few more cobwebs away but I'll return. Really. If you come along for the ride...